I created Living ROI as a passion, to share my experiences and support others who want to live more authentic, joyful and fulfilling lives.
Dear Friends,
I was witness to and a participant in a poignant celebration of life and mourning of death yesterday.
A dear friend from my youth lost her son. We were the best of friends and just 21-years-old when her son was born. Though I knew him as a very young child, I was not part of his life for the vast majority of his 34 years. Yesterday, I got to know his essence. I met his grieving wife and two young daughters. I saw the love that surrounded him in life and now death.
I was struck by the power of raw emotion. By the collective expression of deep sorrow. Exposed nerves. Humanity unfiltered.
It had been five years since I had last seen my friend. And twenty years before that. Our lives had diverged, and yet there remains a deep vein of connection. When I heard about her unfathomable loss, I knew I had to go. Even though I worried about intruding, I also knew down deep that every level of support would add to the collective healing, even if just a little.
After the burial, I approached her and our ancient strands of friendship wrapped tightly around us as we hugged. I can’t put into words the depth of feeling I experienced. It was part of the tapestry of our lives that was always there, but we don’t know it until it is revealed. A deep sense of home. There was no place else to be.
Later, at the gathering, there was some reminiscing and laughter. My friend and the rest of her son’s family were surrounded by love. Our cultural acknowledgment of loss was in process.
These are the moments that define bittersweetness. Authentic and unencumbered love and pain.
And next week, life will go on as if nothing has changed, despite the fact that everything has changed forever. The grief will still be there for my dear friend and the others whose lives are intertwined with the loss of this young man.
“The reality is you will grieve forever.
You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one;
you will learn to live with it.
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the
loss you have suffered.
You will be whole again but you will never be the same.
Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
–Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Once again, I am reminded of this beautiful blog by John Pavlovitz, Everyone Around You is Grieving, Go Easy. It reminds me to be gentle with others out in the world. The stranger at the store who is moving slowly, seemingly not paying attention, and gets in your way while buying bananas, may have just lost her only child. Be gentle. The little girl running around and being disruptive may have just lost her dad. Be patient and kind.
In awe of the depth of life today,
Barbara Fagan-Smith
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
