I created Living ROI as a passion, to share my experiences and support others who want to live more authentic, joyful and fulfilling lives.
Dear Friends,
Freedom is my word for 2020. More specifically, freedom to follow my heart’s desires. One of the greatest silver linings of having had cancer last year is I have more “permission” to really live the life I want to live.
Generally, the only things that holds me back in my life are my own limiting beliefs about what I can and should do and concern about how my actions might be perceived by others.
I have been well-conditioned to work hard and be responsible; which is fabulous, but it’s not everything.
I was in Southern California last week and spent time with three of my siblings. My brother gave me my father’s ski poles from the 1940s to put up in my snow cabin. My father frequently talked about how he loved to ski. His unused skis and poles sat in our garage all the years I was growing up; never to be used again after my father got married and had kids.
What I imagine my father looked like with his skis awhen he was in his 20s.
I drove up to the ski resort on Mt. Baldy. There isn’t enough snow for skiing right now, but I was blown away that it was less than one hour from my childhood home in Anaheim. Was it noble that my father never went skiing in all those years? Or did he deprive himself unnecessarily? I wish I could ask him more about it. I know there were constraints, but I wonder if he was his own biggest constraint, as I find I can be for myself.
Freedom to follow our heart’s desires can be seen as selfish. Isn’t there something else you can do with that time and money to make a difference in the world? But we KNOW that when we fill up our own tank, we are in the best position to be of service. Why is this so hard to internalize?
My deepest fear around following my own dreams and desires is being seen as a slacker. If I’m not on my computer, in meetings, DOING, what will people think of me? Will they think I’m taking advantage of my position? Will they think I’m unworthy of my paycheck from my own company? If I don’t answer an email promptly, will they think I don’t care? Will they think I’m unorganized and irresponsible? Saying these things out loud on paper actually brings tears to my eyes.
If I’m not working, hard, do I even deserve to take up space on this planet? Do I become irrelevant? Less powerful?
In Charles Duhigg’s article in The NY Times Magazine, Wealthy, Successful and Miserable, he talks about how the impact of “oppressive hours, political infighting, increased competition sparked by globalization, an ‘always-on culture’ bred by the internet” and “an underlying sense that their work isn’t worth the grueling effort they’re putting into it,” makes for more unhappy professionals than ever.
I get that. In fact, my life’s work is all about helping people, and companies, get out of a cycle of unhealthy work expectations that zap inspiration and ruin lives. Not only is it bad for you, it’s bad for business, it’s bad for families and it’s bad for society. I am proud to have co-created an organization that is on the healthier spectrum. And, nonetheless, it is still a personal struggle to resist the overwhelming tide of societal expectations I was raised with around taking care of “business” over self.
It’s wrong. Business booms when whole and healthy people walk through the doors (virtual or physical) of work each day.
This is such hard work—living our best, healthiest lives—that we need to encourage each other all the time. I tell new hires at ROI to encourage co-workers who aren’t feeling well or just seem like they need a break to take one. We all need to be encouraged to take care of ourselves. I’ve never had to tell anyone in my company to work harder. Instead, I know that when people work too hard, the cost is high for them, their families, our communities and the business.
For the sake of humanity, and the sake of business, take care of yourself and encourage others to do the same…frequently.
Wishing you the courage and freedom to follow your heart’s desires,
Barbara Fagan-Smith
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
I recently had to google “how to take care of yourself” to make sure I even understood the concept. I thought I knew. At any rate, yesterday I took off and visited a museum instead of doing the Sunday chores. I had an excellent conversation with an artist, and it just lit me up. All night and into Monday morning, I found I had more energy and my mood was lighter. You are right. It is hard to do, but the benefits are immediate.