Dear Friends,
Have you ever forgotten what you did last weekend? Not to mention last year or a decade ago?
We literally run through our lives these days, barely integrating, or even remembering, the hundreds of experiences we have every week, month and year. Those experiences add up over 20 – 60 years, and there is a lot of unprocessed, unmined, gold!
Before I started the process of revisiting my past—sorting through my physical, digital and mental memories, seeking out the people and places from my past and researching key inflection points of those times—I underestimated the power of this journey. Much to my delight, I unlocked a treasure trove of connections, resolutions and personal growth.
Over the past 20 years, I had yearned to make time to reflect on my life—to find the boxes of photos and memorabilia in my attic, including the digital photos on various devices, and start to sort through them. A monumental task indeed! In fact, so intimidating that most people never do it.
I actually did start that journey a few years ago—sorting through the history and details of my life. Initially, I sorted by decade, through my childhood, schooling, college, marriage and my own children—20 boxes and five decades worth. Then I sorted into years.
The biggest challenge was to NOT dive in and read old letters or linger on photos. Otherwise, I would never have gotten through the sorting phase. I also enlisted a helper to keep me on track. I fit the sorting activity in during weekends over months.
Once sorted, I started to “process” the content and create memory books with scanned images of documents and photos, along with writing about my own memories.
However, I didn’t stop with my own memorabilia and photos, I also sought out the people in my life during that time—locating old friends (some I discovered had died) and having conversations with family members and friends about their own memories of those times.
I even traveled back to the places of my life from those times, revisiting the homes, streets, schools, job locations, vacation spots and friends, when possible.
I also researched and captured the big news events that happened during those years, as well as the T.V. shows, games, movies, books, music, food and technology that influenced my life.
It has been a beautiful experience of weaving together the tapestry of my history—an opportunity to integrate the years of my life from the big events and people to times of sadness as well as victories.
As I go through this process (I’m not done yet!!) there is a satisfying sense of owning my history. No longer are the memories vague. As the pieces of the puzzle of my life come together, something inside of me feels resolved.
As Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, says, “To put your things in order means to put your past in order, too. It’s like resetting your life and settling your accounts so that you can take the next step forward.”
Before I started this process, I felt burdened by the thought of my unsorted photos and memorabilia. The project felt too big to take on, and year after year I found reasons not to do it. When I had started a few times, I got bogged down in the maze of memories and papers and I set it aside again, never shaking that feeling of incompleteness.
While talking with friends, family and colleagues about it, I discovered that I wasn’t alone, others felt stuck on this task as well. I became determined to crack the code of this project for myself, and then help others complete this life-affirming and deeply satisfying journey. As I continue to work through my process, I am taking notes and collecting ideas to share.
I have always believed that an important part of living your best life today and preparing for your best future, requires acknowledging and integrating your past; now I’ve come upon some empirical proof, beyond my own experience.
According to research conducted by Jordan B. Peterson, a professor at the University of Toronto and author of 12 Rules for Life, “People who spend time writing about themselves [past, present and future] become happier, less anxious and depressed and physically healthier. They become more productive, persistent and engaged in life.”
Peterson goes on to say, “This is because thinking about where you came from, who you are and where you are going helps you chart a simpler and more rewarding path through life.”
As you put the puzzle pieces together, you get to interpret the story of your life. Are you a victim of your adversities, or have they made you stronger? The same set of circumstances can be framed in multiple ways. I recommend focusing on how challenges in your life have equipped you to help others and to navigate a complex world.
Similar to how our physical muscles expand as we challenge them with more weight, so our emotional, mental and spiritual muscles expand as they are tested and stretched.
My own foray into this business of sorting through my history has given me a sense of mastery. I’m tidying up the details of my life, so far, and getting a clearer picture of the timeline and stories of my past. If you have the same desire, I hope my experience inspires you to take a step in this direction.
Warm memories,
Barbara Fagan-Smith
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
P.S. Peterson has also created the Self Authoring Suite, an online writing program to help you explore your past, present and future. Peterson says, “If you want to understand yourself better, become less anxious and happier and commit yourself more firmly to your education, career or relationships, these programs will help, a lot.”
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