I created Living ROI as a passion, to share my experiences and support others who want to live more authentic, joyful and fulfilling lives.
Dear Friends,
This may sound like heresy to some of you. I remember my father-in-law, an old-fashioned Englishman, scoffing at the idea of the pursuit of happiness. He thought it was shallow; and very American.
I recently listened to a recording of the late British philosopher Alan Watts. The talk is entitled, “Life is Not a Journey.” Watts says, “The physical universe is basically playful. There is no necessity for it, and it isn’t going anywhere… It doesn’t have some destination that it ought to arrive at.”
Instead of looking at life as a journey with a destination, Watts said, “It is best understood by analogy with music, because music, as an art form, is essentially playful.” You don’t work the piano; you play the piano. Music, like dance, is not about a destination, it’s about the experience of it.
However, our education system gives a completely different impression of life. It is graded and progressive. We are taught to constantly look towards the next grade or stage. You go from kindergarten to college and then out into the world to work. Watts says, “All the time the thing is coming. It’s coming. That great thing, the success you’re working for.”
You get caught up in school or work, making that grade or goal. Still waiting for or looking towards that big thing. It may be getting a degree or a new car or a new house or vacation or retirement.
Watts goes on to say, “Then you wake up one day forty years later and say, ‘My God, I’ve arrived. I’m there!’ But you don’t feel very different from what you’ve always felt. Look at the people who live to retire and put those savings away. And then when they reach retirement…they don’t have any energy left.”
“We’ve simply cheated ourselves the whole way down the line. We thought of life by analogy with a journey, with a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end. And the thing was to get to that end. Success or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead.”
“But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played,”
I spent so many years pursuing the next thing, from high school to college, through careers, getting married and having children. I made some poor choices, or went along with norms, because I believed that some things were more important than they were, namely work.
One of my biggest regrets is missing important time with my children and my husband. I always seemed to be working during vacations. If one of my daughters got sick, but there was an “important” deadline at work, I felt I had to go to work, even though where I belonged, and longed to be, was with my child.
It is so disturbing to me that workplaces often don’t support employees to take care of themselves and their families. People feel rushed to get back to work after a loved one dies. They feel pulled between work and their own health and happiness.
Last week, one of my team members sent an email to say, “My daughter is sick, so I’ll be staying home today.” She didn’t have to pretend it was something else or make some other excuse. Despite her knowledge that we support that 100% at ROI, I knew she probably still felt bad, just from the weight of societal pressure and expectations. I sent her a note and said, “I’m so glad your daughter will be with her mom today. That is exactly what she needs.”
A couple of days later, during our weekly office lunch, that team member brought up how grateful she is that she was supported in being home with her sick child. It brought tears to both of our eyes because we know how important it is and how many families are negatively impacted from not having that support.
It’s still hard not to take things too seriously sometimes. When I think of life being a dance, it helps!
What feels like dance and play in your life? Have you done it today?
In harmony,
Barbara Fagan-Smith
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
P.S. I mentioned my CEA numbers last week. I do need to do some additional testing and I’ll keep you posted. It is certainly keeping me on my toes, dancing!!!
