I created Living ROI as a passion, to share my experiences and support others who want to live more authentic, joyful and fulfilling lives.
Dear Friends,
Today is Father’s Day in several countries: the US, India, Pakistan, South Africa, Canada, Mexico, Venezuela, Argentina, Greece, France, the UK and Singapore. It’s a day to recognize and celebrate the contributions of men in the lives of children.
When you consider “traditional” gender roles and characteristics, men bring something different to the parenting table than women. Often men are portrayed as less nurturing but more focused on teaching and challenging. In today’s world of multi-gender identification, stay-at-home dads and families of every stripe, these generalizations are not as relevant; however, differences between parenting styles can create friction.
While getting my hair cut a few days ago, my hairdresser was talking about how his wife is too permissive with their boys. He said, “When I have the boys on my own, they are better behaved.” I related to the different perspectives. My husband and I had significantly different approaches to raising our daughters, and it caused a lot of conflict. In a nutshell, he thought I was too permissive, and I thought he was too strict. For some parents, the differences are the other way around.
Colin, Marina and Emerald in 2004
Conflicting parenting styles can be a contributing factor to divorce. What Colin and I learned was that our differing approaches were BOTH necessary and important. But, to be honest, it wasn’t always easy. The best perspective I got from a friend on this phenomenon was that it wouldn’t last forever. The kids will grow up and move out and that source of conflict will diminish. True that!
The other wisdom I have held onto as a spouse and a parent is that the best thing we can do for our children is to take care of our marriage (if possible). During a marriage education program, we learned the concept that our children live in the energetic space between us. If that space is unhappy and conflicted, it directly affects our children. Colin and I honor that space between us and are committed to keeping it clean. Our children would get between us for a family hug and they would say, “We’re in the space between!”
I grew up in a large, rambunctious family. My father was a gentle man in all ways. He was the living embodiment of humility. Each day he went off to work in an office as an engineer for General Telephone and Electric, and came home at exactly 5:30 pm, without fail. He told me later that he chose to turn down promotions at work because it was more important to him to be home with his wife and six kids than to make more money.
One lesson he taught me significantly formed my world view. He said, “Whenever I see the janitor, I stop and talk with him. I shake his hand and I know his name and his story. He is as important as the CEO and should be treated with as much regard and respect. Don’t forget that.”
Thank you for that beautiful lesson, Dad! It is still with me.
Is there a special lesson or memory that you have of your father or someone who was a father figure in your life?
Thank you to all the fathers and father figures for making an important difference in the lives of our children.
Barbara Fagan-Smith
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
P.S. I am healing well from my surgery and studying a multitude of natural remedies for staying healthy and cancer-free!
