Dear Friends,
My daughter Marina graduated from high school yesterday. Setting aside all the excitement mingled with sadness, I want to share some thoughts about the collective party we threw for four graduates and their families and friends. My husband and I put on a lot of parties each year. I enjoy it, but it’s a lot of work. For this party there were eight parents sharing the planning, set-up and clean-up. What a difference! Many hands = better party, less work and more fun.
I had to fight my tendency to want to do it all myself, especially because the party was at our house. Where does that tendency come from? There is a voice in me that says I need to earn my place on the planet by DOING things. Lots of things. All the time. It has served me well in many ways, but at a price.
“Many hands make light work” is a mainstay proverb for a reason. People need to be reminded of it. Society has glorified the “self-made” person. The individual hero who conquers the world and wins all the glory. That concept is a deceptive myth. No one does anything great alone, and the more you try to, the less you succeed.
Teamwork beats individualism every day. Many people have asked me how I grew my consulting firm from a few people to nearly 100 employees. I have a very short answer: Teamwork. You must bring other people in close to co-create the vision, divide the responsibility and share the glory. No ONE ever built a company. It takes a TEAM, and it requires trust.
Today my life is about building community, and this has helped me grow ROI Communication. However, it hasn’t all been smooth sailing. I don’t believe in regret. It’s a wasted emotion. My past mistakes have gotten me where I am today, and I suppose I needed each and every one of them. My biggest mistakes usually happen when I’m feeling unsettled, and I project that onto others. Fear and doubt are the antonyms of trust, and the enemy of community.
If I were to regret any lessons of the past, it would be moments when, in a state of fear, I distrusted someone and acted hastily. About ten years ago, I hired an extremely capable leader. This person was excited to come onto our leadership team. It was the first time we were bringing in someone this senior from the outside. This leader had a difficult time adjusting to “The ROI Way,” and instead of taking more time to talk it through, I made a quick decision that it wasn’t working, and we needed to move this person out, and move on. In general, I agree with rectifying “bad” hires quickly but, in hindsight, I hadn’t given this leader a proper chance. My quick actions were disrespectful and damaging to our community at work. I reacted instead of taking time to reflect, listen and coach. Even if the right answer was to let this person go from the company, it would have cost us less in distraction and bad feelings by taking a bit more time. “The longest way round is the shortest way home.”*
Whether at home or at work, PEOPLE make the world go around. The communities we build in our lives reflect the amount of trust and respect we have in others. I find it harder to share responsibility outside of work than I do inside of work. It might be because the societal structures are not in place today for collective living. We have been brainwashed into believing that we need to go it alone — from raising our children to caring for our elders to starting a business to writing a thesis. There’s a lack of community, and we’re separated and divided more than ever.
Within the structure of work, we have clearly defined goals and roles. Outside of work, it’s often vague. To successfully create community, and leverage the power of “Many hands…”, it’s critical to have a shared vision and clearly defined roles. The success of our collective graduation party yesterday had all the right ingredients! We co-created the vision, planned well in advance, divided the responsibilities and shared the joy of celebrating a poignant moment in life together.
Despite the tendency of our culture to amplify the value of individualism over community, we have the power to create the experiences we want in our lives. It’s always sweeter together.
With warm thoughts,
Barbara
CEO, ROI Communication
Chief Catalyst, Living ROI
I created Living ROI as a passion, to share what I’ve learned and support others who want to live more authentic, joyful and fulfilling lives.
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*Irish proverb
